As I Lay Waking
by Efil Lacisum
Summary: PAIRING: EDWARDxBELLA. Companion to As She Was Sleeping. Edward is watching Bella in her sleep when she first mutters something that catches Edward off guard. Oneshot. Edward's PoV.


My hearing intensified.

Suddenly, I was tuned in to every sound I heard. A bird ruffled its feathers behind me. A few streets down, a car started and shifted into reverse. Somewhere, in the very far reaches of my subconscious, the last remaining miniscule human part of my brain brought up the distant memory of a heart pounding in my ears. I strained even harder to hear the sound I thought I had heard, and suddenly, as if someone was speaking to me underwater, through all the other distractions, I heard it again.

It was quiet. It was barely a word at all, actually. I wasn't even sure if I had heard her correctly, as she was muttering. She wasn't even aware that the word had escaped her lips. But I was. At least, I thought I was. I felt my eyes lose focus a little as I lost myself in that one word. I hesitated, not wanting to put myself in a position where I had even the slightest chance of her seeing me, but as I was fairly sure that she was fast asleep, I crawled on my stomach toward the window. I could see her much more clearly now, her blanket half removed from her body by her restless legs, her arm dangling over the edge of the bed, her hair splayed out over her pillow, and that face, so simple, so plain, and yet so ethereally beautiful. Her face held an expression consistent with confusion and a dash of fear. She shifted a bit and her eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement, and this time I saw her reshape her lips as she formed the word again, clearer this time.

"Edward."

Yes, I was sure that time. I had very clearly heard her speak, seen her speak, that time. It was my name she muttered in her sleep. I felt my body lighten a little, as if I was going to float away, and though I had a hunch as to where that feeling originated, I couldn't really pinpoint an exact emotion to coordinate with the sensation. I felt my lips curl up in a smile that I did not summon to my face. Udder content settled in the pit of my stomach, and I was calm for a moment.

Even after so many years of what could be incorrectly considered life, I had never been through an experience like this before. Naturally, I had met many beautiful human girls as well as stunning vampire women in my time here on earth, but they were all nothing more than lovely faces. Behind those faces I often found there was nothing more to behold and I soon lost any small amount of interest I may have felt for them. But this… this was different somehow.

In my haze I reached out for her, listening hard to hear her thoughts, though I knew my attempt would be futile. I pressed harder against her consciousness than I had ever done with anyone before. Nothing. I was suddenly a little angry at my flaw, however insignificant it was. I told myself to relax. _There's nothing you can do to change it_, I thought. _Perhaps this is why I'm so intrigued by her_. Even still, I felt a familiar frustration rise in my throat and I pushed my mind even harder in her direction. For a brief second, I deluded myself into believing I was getting something, but then I realized that she was muttering something incomprehensible.

I sighed, oddly disappointed at what I should have expected, what I already expected, from my attempts to hear her. It wasn't as though I hadn't already tried–and failed–a thousand times before. A day hadn't gone by that I truly ignored her sitting there next to me in class as she may have thought I was doing, her hair forming an auburn curtain between us, her pulse beating irregularly through her veins. I had known that she felt at least a basic attraction for me, and that didn't surprise me at all. I was designed to attract my prey. What bothered me more than anything was that I couldn't know exactly what she was feeling, as I was accustomed to being able to do. What could she possibly have thought about me in those first few weeks? How did she really feel about me now? I was confused as to how she had managed to develop not only that expected primeval attraction after dealing with my cold façade for so long, but also how she had managed to develop something deeper, something more, something…

At that exact moment my train of thought was thrust off its track when she turned over in her sleep and I realized that I was putting myself in a dangerous position. I slunk back into the shadows to hide myself. As I had anticipated, her eyes fluttered open as she woke. She looked confused and a little dazed as she rubbed her eyes sleepily, letting out a yawn as she sat up and allowed her feet to make contact with the floor. She put her head in her hands with her elbows on her knees and I could tell she was contemplating something, though I could not know what. Desperate this time, I pushed my mind in her direction. For some reason, at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to know what was running through her head. I felt myself lean forward slightly with the effort, my eyes boring into the back of her head with all the concentration I could muster.

She whipped around quickly, her hair flying wildly at the sudden movement. I fell even further into shadow at the exact moment she turned. I knew that I could not let her see me. Her brow furrowed as she strained to see through the darkness, a hint of fear in her eyes at the thought of being watched. We sat as such for what seemed like ages but what I knew must have been only minutes before she seemed to satisfy herself that there was nobody there but her. Only I knew that she was wrong.

She glanced at her digital clock, the bright red shafts of light piercing through the darkness. 4:52 AM. She would have to be awake in a little more than an hour for school, I knew. She seemed to weigh the decision in her mind to either just wake up now and get started with her day or to go back to sleep, and I admired her profile as I saw the workings of her mind on her face. Even if I couldn't read her mind directly, I could still pick up cues in her expression as she battled with her own drowsiness. Her eyelids started to droop, and that seemed enough reason to her to lie back down, if only for a little bit. She shuddered slightly at the cold of the night, curled up on her side, pulled the covers tightly under her chin, and allowed herself to fall back into slumber.

I sat there like a gargoyle in the dark, just watching her with unrelenting interest. She said nothing more that night. I knew I was putting her in danger by even attending the same school as her, let alone speaking to her and watching her like this, but I was intrigued, fascinated. I was… perhaps feeling something that I knew I couldn't allow myself to feel if I planned on keeping her safe, if I planned on keeping her _alive_. But somehow my reason was being overridden by something more potent. I stayed there, still and silent, until the sun's diffused light reached over the eastern horizon and began its daily struggle with the clouds. With one final glance over my shoulder, I leapt down from my perch and made my way home.

I was in love.


End file.
